Here I sit, possibly days away from the birth of our son Parker. Currently I’m on a business trip that I have made dozens of times and things feel the same as they always have. Sure, our house is a bit more crowded with pack-and-plays, strollers, car seats, and diapers tucked into every nook and cranny. However, I don’t feel any different. Our life hasn’t changed drastically – yet.
As we have prepped and read and painted and assembled and studied and questioned, we have known that the day would come when Parker would show up and it would hit us like a truck. No matter how much we prepared, there is no way that either of us could prepare for the change that was coming. Even if we felt like we were we simply can’t comprehend what that little guy is going to do to our schedule, our sleep, our house or most importantly – our hearts.
As the remaining days move into the single digits, it’s finally hitting me that it is almost game time. Parker is shifting in my mind from some far-away dream to get excited about to a real, physical thing that we are going to be trusted to keep alive in a matter of days. Maybe even less. Mandy could be going into labor as I type these words. How’s that for mind-blowing?
I’ve talked with a lot of fathers in the past few months and the question I’ve gotten more often than any other is “Are you nervous?” My answer invariably has been that I’m more nervous that I’m not nervous in the slightest. I’m plenty of other things – excited, anxious, under-prepared, to-do list induced stressed – but nervous is not one of them. I know the things that are coming that everyone including random grocery store cashiers has told us about. The sleepless nights, the messy house, the strain on our marriage, etc. I won’t say I’m ready for these things, but I know they are coming whether I like it or not. We will address what we can with tenacity and fight for the things that are important. I’ve been in plenty of situations that feel insurmountable and I’m ready to attack these new challenges. I’m just not sure how I’m going to feel when this little dude shows up and instead of fighting hard for a better life for me and my wife, it becomes a fight for happiness for our new little family.
I’m geared up for an emotional next few weeks. My eyes well up just thinking about the delivery room – I’m going to be a mess when it all becomes real and he is in my arms! But it’s not nerves that have me emotional. It’s the knowledge that I’m going to be more like the Grinch than I ever thought possible – my heart will grow three sizes in a matter of seconds in the most awesome way possible.
Parker, we anxiously await your arrival and I can’t wait to be your Dad. I hope that over anything else I can help you know that there is a God who is for you, you have parents who love you unconditionally, and that your life is one of purpose and world-changing ability.