Here’s a secret. I write blogs when I sleep. Meaning I write them out word for word, imagine the pictures, and even recognize the words I’ll have to pay special attention to when typing because they probably will be misspelled. But when I wake up… The words have vanished, just like the over abundance of energy I just had during the last 6 hours of sleep.

Growing a baby is hard work. Energy zapping, stomach turning, anxiety ridden hard work. Every moment when I’m not trying to get through my adult responsibilities, I spend the seconds sleeping, stuffing my face with bread and cheese (because all my normal food groups seem to have me turning up my nose), or sleeping some more to avoid eating again. Let’s just say there has been a lot of self discovery the last few weeks. Having this outwardly invisible battle going on has made me thankful of the miracle and reassurance going on inside. It has made me reflect on the kind of mother I will be, the kind of spouse I want to be, and the type of parents we will be when it comes to disciplining. But those thoughts make me frustrated when I look over from my sleepy eyes and see a sink piled high with dishes, a dog begging to be played with, and a gracious husband who I haven’t been on a date night with in weeks. If I’m zapped of energy now…what will life be like in 7 months?!? Yikes.

Well during all this rest, I still wanted to spend time with Conner – ignore all the internal symptoms going on – and remind him that I love him. Luckily at the beginning of the year we began watching the TV series Parenthood. OMG, so good. I remember watching an episode when it first came out and I wasn’t impressed. I guess I just wasn’t mentally in the mindset to want to watch it.

This year…we binge watched the show. It took us two and a half months and we just got to the final episode. That was cause for a special at-home date night to celebrate. So if you’ve seen the show, you know that every episode has a scene with pancakes. Those Bravermans love their pancakes. So we ordered a batch from IHOP to go, sat around the coffee table, and cried our eyes out to the last episode. So sweet! In that moment I was thankful for Conner. He goes on dates with me because he knows that reminds me that I am loved. He knows that it is how I show love and remind him that I’m glad we are married. I’m thankful for all of his patience right now during this first trimester. And for his ability to be spontaneous when I wake up feeling adventurous for a few hours and declare that we are driving 40 minutes to get brunch in the city.  I’m excited for more energy and even have a date…outside of the house…planned on the calendar circled in prayers of no nausea and lots of energy.