There is not much that makes me shake and have scared tears. Yesterday was the exception.
5 minutes prior to being at the intersection of shaky hands and refraining from crying was my mind saying “Wow, honey bee looks pretty today”. Who says that about their car? Who cares. Well to me my honey bee stands for hard work, dedication, and success. I drive a 10 year old car that runs like she is only 4 years old because I take good care of her. She is paid off which in itself was not easy and required sacrifice. Well yesterday left me with a less than pretty exterior of this worldly possession.
And in those moments of shaking and scared tears I had to remind myself that it was just that- a possession and that no one was hurt.
But it still shook me up.
See not only moments earlier was I reflecting on how nice my car was, but I was also on a high of good emotions from great interactions with people throughout the day. You know the kind of interactions. The ones that leave you feeling great because of the encouraging words they share with you or that you just get each other. The interactions and conversations that leave you inspired that you ARE in fact on the right path.
And then just like that, a tiny accident leaves you scared of finances, scared that you are about to get beaten up because of the bully who just jumped out of his car and started screaming at you, or thoughts of anger pop into my head.
It is amazing what happens during a trial like this, but also how much perspective you gain.
I am grateful that we do in fact have an emergency fund for this very purpose. I am thankful we planned ahead and have good insurance coverage on our vehicles. I am thankful we have a second vehicle that we can drive before my car gets fixed. I am thankful I work from home so I don’t have to stress about the fact that the earliest appointment to get my car fixed isn’t until next week. I am thankful that when I called Conner he not only reassured me that everything is okay, but I showed up at home and he had a tall ice water poured for me waiting with a snack of fruit. Love him and how he loves me.
I am confident that everything happens for a reason but even more so confident that we do not go through this life alone. I am confident, just like Job’s story, that we do not go through life alone and the main reason trials happen in life are so that we will cling even harder to God. I am so thankful for my relationship with Him and how it continues to grow and expand.
Just like marriage, my faith is not the same it was on day one when I said “I Do”. “I Do” follow Jesus looked a lot different at age 13 than it does at age 26. “I Do” in marriage looks a lot different 2 ½ years later. So much has changed, so many things have grown my love and faith. I am so thankful for how we change and grow. Proof that you can’t hold judgment against people for wrongful things they did in the past. We all mess up. We all change. But the good news is there IS grace and every day we must choose to apply it.